Families In Crisis: How To Handle A Family Crisis

As defined by the American Heritage Dictionary, a crisis is a crucial or decisive point or situation; a turning point. Things will either get better, or they get worse, and sometimes, daily hassles can be amassed which may cause a stress overload. Crisis is a serious event which is very stressful and may come accidentally. It is also defined as a situation in which individual may perceive the stress factors or hazardous event as a threat.

Have you ever been involved in a family crisis? How these crises affected you and your family? What did you do in order to survive these and protect your family relationships?

Going through a family crisis is what I think the worst part of one’s family life. It is the point in our life where the relationships or ties of our families are under risk to be broken or to fall apart. At times of crisis, one person can’t solve the conflicts by himself alone. All of the family members must work together and find effective ways to resolve the crisis among them.

Internal or external events may result to a family crisis. Internal events like death, drug addiction, health diseases, or external events like flood, unemployment are examples of these events that may trigger a crisis in a family. Either way, it provides a turning point for a family to either work hard as one for them to be closer to each other or exert no effort and just fall apart. In this point of time, a family can easily adapt to a crisis by being flexible and through the support that they give to each other. In addition, a family may need more guidance in handling a crisis in the best ways.

Today I came across with an article entitled How to Handle a Family Crisis which is written by Jennifer Magnesi, one of the eHow contributors. This article is very helpful especially for those who are currently in crisis. The article contains the following instructions:

1. Communicate with each other during and after the crisis. It is important for family members to communicate with each other before, during and after a crisis without using foul languages or antipathy. The members of a family should be able to share their feelings and emotions and come up with a solution together.
2. Have one-on-one discussions with family members who seem to need more attention or guidance. Here, it is important to have a one-on-one talk with any of the members who is in need of attention or guidance. The parent or guardian should listen to her child and help her overcome any issues she is currently facing over the crisis.
3. Avoid placing blame, pointing fingers or judging other family members. A family should stick together to get through a family crisis. Lean on each other and accept individuals' flaws without pointing fingers at anyone in the family for the problem.
4. Accept your hardships as they are and move forward to the next phase of your life as a family. Learn to accept what has happened in order for you to move on and make a better new life for yourself.
5. Spend as much time as you can as a family. A family should eat lunch or dinner together, go on outings or picnics, and organize family events.
6. Get outside help if and when you need it. If there's a need for outside help, don't hesitate to seek help in your community, government funding and organizations, churches and counselors.

As we all know, crisis will be always a burden on individuals and the family as a whole. But if the family makes an effort to resolve the conflicts/crisis in their family in such a manner that is acceptable and effective, it may be possible that relationships and ties that the family built for many years will remain or will become stronger. Through the acceptance of such crisis, one may be able to move on from it and make a new life for himself.

Exercise 1: Formal Language

In the passage of time, the world has seen changes in the structure of a family. Typically, a family is composed of a father, mother and one or more children living in the same lodging (definition of a nuclear family). However, there are other forms/types of family that exist. An example of these is an extended family where a nuclear family or single-parent family lives with any extended family members. Like, for example, in my own case, I am currently living in a house somewhere in Pasay together with my nuclear family, my grandmother, one uncle, two aunties and 3 cousins making us an extended family. There is also this instance when a childless family adopts a child. Considering all of these, a family can also be defined as a group of people who may not be blood-related but are bonded with love, respect and concern for each other.

Changes in the structure of a family have been seen by the world in the passage of time. A father, a mother and one or more children living in the same lodging is what construct a typical family. However, a lot of forms/types existed nowadays. An extended family is an example of these where a nuclear family or single parent family lives with any extended family members. One may be currently living in a house together with her nuclear family, her grandmother, one uncle and two aunties and cousins making them an extended family. The adoption of a child by a childless family would be another instance. Therefore, in consideration to the above statements, a group of people who may not be blood relatives but are bonded with love, respect and concern for each other may also constitute a family.

Is There Such Thing As A Perfect Family?

Have you ever dream of having a family that is different from your current one? Are you one of those who are fascinated with the idea of a perfect family? What is your idea of a perfect family and how you compare it with the normal ones? Every one of us has his/her own dream of perfection. We all have that dreams of what our ideal family life should become. When we see people who have better family lives and relationships than us, we may feel unsatisfied with what we have, get envious, and strive to mimic them.

I admit that I once had my own dream of a perfect family life. That is, my family dwells in a nice and peaceful house and that my parents don’t have to go to work. We all live peacefully and harmoniously without incurring any problems. We always love and care for each other. And we could also get everything we want by just one click as if we have unlimited money and resources. I know I had a dream which was hard, if not impossible, to achieve. It’s a bit frustrating that I couldn't get all I want. I also admit that I sometimes compare my own normal family life with some portrayals of perfect families that I’d seen on dramas/movies, celebrities and other famous and wealthy personalities that I know.

As I was browsing the net, I found a site called Families of Destiny containing an article which is written by George and Claudia Vorgin and is entitled as The Myth of the Perfect Family. I personally chose this article because, aside from it being related to my post, it had perfectly explained what I'm trying to explain.

Here is the screen cap of my favorite part of the article.

I really love the article and I love how the thoughts were expressed. It really gives enlightenment to the readers especially those who claim that there is such thing as a perfect family. Near-perfect family exists though but they are only few. Actually, it's just depends on how we describe a normal and a perfect one. A normal for one may be viewed as perfect by the others. As I age, I realized that it is not wise to spend my time in pursuing an unrealistic dream. I don’t want to waste my time running after the perfect family image which I’m longing to have in reality. Why would I strive to create that image only to realize that it’s impossible? I don’t want to create my own disappointments so I have to be realistic. Now, I am very happy and satisfied with my extended family. We may not be rich, we don’t own mansion/s, or we may sometimes have family issues but the love, respect, concern and other little things like having meals together, attending mass and hanging out somewhere together is what makes my perfectly good family.

There is no such thing as perfect family. And I believe in that. For me, a family is like a tooth. Although it may seem to be in a good condition in the eyes of other people but we don’t know that it is really damaged inside. A family may wear a mask and pretend to be alright when in front of people just to be called a perfect family. They may fool us but it cannot fool their selves. Moreover, getting along with your family without incurring any fights at all is impossible. No matter how good your family members, troubles/conflicts are always there to arise especially when you are always together. A common example of this is sibling rivalry.

Again, every family has its own problems, no matter how perfect they seem to appear. We wouldn't know the truth if we are just judging them at the outside. But if we put ourselves in their shoes, we would realize that they really have more problems than it seems. So in truth there is no such thing as a perfect family just like how no one is truly perfect.

In addition to the information that I learned, there are few questions that I would like to be answered. These are:

1. How do people define a normal family?
2. How do people define a perfect family?
3. How many people believe that there is such thing as a perfect family and how many people who do not?

In order for me to answer these questions, I should read more articles, blogs and other publications that can be found on the internet, books about family life and conduct surveys/interviews in my neighborhood.

What Is A Family?

In the passage of time, the world has seen changes in the structure of a family. Typically, a family is composed of a father, mother and one or more children living in the same lodging (definition of a nuclear family). However, there are other forms/types of family that exist. An example of these is an extended family where a nuclear family or single-parent family lives with any extended family members. Like, for example, in my own case, I am currently living in a house somewhere in Pasay together with my nuclear family, my grandmother, one uncle, two aunties and 3 cousins making us an extended family. There is also this instance when a childless family adopts a child. Considering all of these, a family can also be defined as a group of people who may not be blood-related but are bonded with love, respect and concern for each other.

Today I came across with an article written by Jan Hare and Lizbeth A. Gray entitled All Kinds of Families: A Guide for Parents, an article from CYFERnet. This article talks about the different forms of a family and how it can affect children. This article aims to make its readers understand what really makes a group of people a family. In the article, a family has been defined as 'a heterosexual couple and their offspring, sharing a common dwelling and dividing work by gender'. This is also a definition of a typical/traditional family, that .is, a father and a mother and their own child/children and the father is the one who works while the mother is the one in-charge with the household.

The article also provides us some other forms of families which currently exist in the majority of households around the world. Let's take a look at them. 

• Cohabiting Families
In these families, an unmarried couple (man and woman) lives together in a single house. If there are children, at least one of the couple is a biological or adoptive parent.
• Single-Parent Family
In this family, there is only one parent in the home.
• Blended Families and Step-families 
In these families, children who are not blood related may live in the same house.
• Grandparent-led Families
The grandparents are the one who take the lead responsibility of child care when their biological parents are working, have died or cannot take good care of them.
• Families in Which the Adult or Adults are Lesbian or Gay
The children in these families are raised by lesbian or gay parents. Adults may bring children from a heterosexual relationship to these families or children may be adopted or they may be conceived by assisted reproductive technologies, such  as Intrauterine Insemination or In Vitro Fertilization.
• Commuter Families
In these families, the parents live and work in different places in which one parent is the one who provides the primary residence while the other parent comes home after work but only for a short period of time.
• Foster and Group Home Families
Children may live with foster parents and institutional child care workers while problems with their biological parents or guardian are being resolved.

As we notice in today’s society, these family forms became more common and the typical/traditional family less prevalent. A family is no longer composes of just a father and a mother and their child/children. Actually, there are a lot of variations which can be made nowadays. It can now also be just a mother and her daughter/son or a father or a mother and his/her dog and etc. Over time, the traditional form had to adopt with changes like divorce, unmarried couples, single-parenthood, same-sex marriage and a lot more.

In my opinion, having a different or weird (what other people would say) family structure doesn't really matter. No matter what form of family you have doesn't make you different from the others. Although it's true that there are really some people who think that they are outcasts in their society. Let’s say that you have that so-called traditional family but you and your family members have awful relationships while your friend/classmate is being raised by a gay or a lesbian parent or is an adopted child but they have a healthy family relationship. The structure of a family doesn't determine how healthy the family is or how they function. It is simply the physical makeup of the relationships of each member regardless of their functions. So what really makes a family? A German poet named Johann Schiller have the perfectly describe a family when he said “It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.” This definition depicts that it is not only by marriage, blood or adoption that makes a group of people a family. It is also the love, respect and concern that each person has towards the other that make a family.